ldysly
Advanced Member
Lord make me thy servant.
Posts: 1,732
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Post by ldysly on Sept 11, 2008 10:31:26 GMT -6
OOOPPPPSSSS I forgot and here's that cobbler and cream for all!
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Post by Caretaker on Oct 25, 2008 15:59:22 GMT -6
*Caretaker enters and sees all the dirty dishes stacked-up next to the rocking chairs, roll up sleeves and eyes, and sets-too with the soap and hot water*.... The wisdom of Larry the cable guy...... 1. A day without sunshine is like night. 2. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5. Remember, half the people you know are below average. 6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap. 9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have. 10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. 12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments. 13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand. 14. OK, so what's the speed of dark? 15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. 17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? 18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice? 20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name? 21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?' 22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off. 23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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Post by Caretaker on Oct 25, 2008 16:00:38 GMT -6
The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at
the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed,
and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest,
it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you I must
tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering
an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to
pass it before you can get into Heaven.'
Forrest responds, 'It sure is
good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance
exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard.
Life was a big enough test
as it was.'
St. Peter continued, 'Yes, I
know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First:
What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second:
How many seconds are there in a year?
Third:
What is God's first name?'
Forrest leaves to think the questions
over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and
says, 'Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over,
tell me your answers'
Forrest replied, 'Well, the
first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'?
Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.'
The Saint's eyes opened wide and
he exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do
have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit
for that answer. How about the next one?' asked St. Peter.
'How many seconds in a year?
Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about
that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'
Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve?
Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds
in a year?'
Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's
got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... '
'Hold it,' interrupts St.
Peter. 'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point,
though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give
you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question.
Can you tell me God's first name'?
'Sure,' Forrest replied,
'it's Andy.'
'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated
and frustrated St Peter.
'Ok, I can understand how you
came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the
world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'
'Shucks, that was the easiest
one of all,' Forrest replied. 'I learnt it from the song, 'ANDY
WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.'
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates,
and said: 'Run Forrest, run.'
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Murph
Moderator
Be kind to your web footed friends. Amen?
Posts: 68,966
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Post by Murph on Oct 25, 2008 17:52:19 GMT -6
;D
Sorry 'bout all the dirty dishes and stuff...
But left ya some fried chicken...and thanks for the chuckles...
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Post by Caretaker on Oct 25, 2008 17:58:47 GMT -6
;D Sorry 'bout all the dirty dishes and stuff... But left ya some fried chicken...and thanks for the chuckles... LOL....love dat fried chicken.....yummy for da tummy!!!!! Used to run quite a flock back on the farm. For company dinner I would go out and catch a couple of the roosters, and after I boiled and plucked Mom or Grandma would clean them, cutem up and fry them. There was often not too much time lapsed from cluck to the mashed taters and gravy on the side.... ;D
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Post by Caretaker on Nov 3, 2008 7:18:52 GMT -6
God bless you;
For a long time my wife Jan, and my son Rob had desired to be baptized, but the timing was not right, or life tended to get in the way. This past week Rob called and asked if I could baptize him in the lake on Saturday. Jan asked to be also. I told them I thought the water would be pretty cold but if they desired I would sure be there and ready. Like Jan said, "if Jesus can endure what He did for us, whats a bit of cold water".
Had half a dozen wood cutters clearing dead-falls out on Saturday morning, and I told them that I would have to be done by 2:00. Got back to the house around 1:30, and my daughters and grandkids were there. Melissa said that Merle and Joan would be coming,(Merle is the pastor of Wilsey Bible School, Calvary Chapel).
At 3:15 on Novembr 1, 2008, we gathered on the beach area of our lake. The water temperature was in the low 50s. There were 10 of us present. We joined hands and I prayed. I then spoke of baptism and read Matthew's baptism of Christ, Matt 28 "go into all the world..", and spoke of the outward symbol of our inward faith.
I gathered the four who would be baptized with me in the shore, asked each if they had received Christ, joined hands together as a group and led them in a unison prayer to receive Christ and to dedicate ourselves to His service and for His glory.
I then walked out into the water to waist deep. Jan and Rob waded out to me and with each I had them hold their nose with one hand and their wrist with the other. Jan helped hold Rob and then Rob helped hold his Mom and his Sister Allyson and niece Bethany. I asked each if they were ready, they nodded, and I spoke, I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit," back and down under the water and right back up.
With each after arising from under the water I stated that this is my beloved __________(son, wife, daughter, granddaughter), their full name, and that they are also my beloved brother or sister in Christ Jesus our Lord, and may our Father envelope them in His awesome love and guide them upon the pathways of His perfect will and eternal love for His precious children, in Jesus' name.
We came up out of the water and we gathered and closed in prayer.
The day was 75 degrees, with no wind. The lake surface was like a sheet of glass. The warmth of God's sun shown down, and His glory shown round the small group gathered in His name and for His glory.
This was my first baptism, and I had been thinking about what to say and do, but it was off-the-cuff, and from the heart. I told Merle and Joan what a blessing it was to share this day with them, but felt like a rookie with the professional sitting on the shore. Merle said that God always gets it right.
I still tear-up when I see our Father move in the hearts and lives of His precious children. To have my children and grandchildren gathering in faith, and to see them learning from a solid Bible teacher such as Merle, fills my heart with such joy.
On October 12th they gave me a set of modern commentaries, three volumes by Jon Courson. When I opened the front and read the inscription I could not see through the tears. I told my daughter later that my heart just broke, as I know how flawed I am and how much better I could have done in the past.
The inscription:
Dad,
Thank you for laying the foundation in all of our hearts. Though some of us may have taken a turn + a time of departing, we have all come back to the TRUTH you have taught. We love you and thank you.
God Bless
All of my children signed and all of my grandchildren were listed.
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Post by Keith on Nov 3, 2008 8:58:46 GMT -6
Oh Drew, what a blessing! How awesome for the Lord to allow you the privelege to baptize your family. And the inscription also brings forth tears here. You are blessed indeed dear brother!
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Murph
Moderator
Be kind to your web footed friends. Amen?
Posts: 68,966
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Post by Murph on Nov 3, 2008 13:34:54 GMT -6
Thanks Caretaker for sharing such a special time with us. Lord surely has blessed you and yours...
Tears here too...
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Post by Caretaker on Nov 3, 2008 16:29:04 GMT -6
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Murph
Moderator
Be kind to your web footed friends. Amen?
Posts: 68,966
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Post by Murph on Nov 3, 2008 17:43:03 GMT -6
I always cry at Baptisms...they are so beautiful.
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Post by Keith on Nov 3, 2008 19:50:18 GMT -6
Awesome! B-r-r-r-r-r, but awesome... ;D
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Post by Caretaker on Nov 25, 2008 10:32:03 GMT -6
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Post by veterinarian on Nov 25, 2008 16:26:31 GMT -6
;D ;D ;D
What a dog! What fun!
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Murph
Moderator
Be kind to your web footed friends. Amen?
Posts: 68,966
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Post by Murph on Nov 25, 2008 18:49:15 GMT -6
Unfortunately with dial-up, videos are v e r r r y s l o w l o a d i n g. The dog and the snow were fun to watch. Haven't seen snow that deep since I was a child. and maybe it only looked that deep because I was a little shorter then... ;D
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Post by Caretaker on Dec 12, 2008 11:41:57 GMT -6
From Bro. Mike on WOP:
2008 Idiot awards
Number One Idiot of 2008
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.
She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter in to the emergency room right away.
Number Two Idiot of 2008
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747's. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency loca ter beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Number Three Idiot of 2008
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this, 'Put all your muny in this bag.' While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. !
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Number Four Idiot of 2008
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, 'Because I don't believe you are over 21.' The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
Number Five Idiot of 2008
A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, 'Nobody move! When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
Number Six Idiot of 2008
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious.
It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
Number Seven Idiot of 2008
I live in a semi-rural area ( Weyauwega , Wisconsin ). We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
****STAY ALERT! They walk among us... and they REPRODUCE...
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kindgo
Junior Member
Posts: 183
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Post by kindgo on Dec 12, 2008 19:09:28 GMT -6
;D Some people are nuts! Thanks brother Drew, I needed a laugh tonight. I have been so sad today, they found the body of the little girl thats been missing, Caylee Anthony. I am glad she was found, but so sad for her family. The world can be a wicked place to live, but Jesus is coming soon, and how wonderful its going to be!! Its so good to see ya!
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Post by Caretaker on Dec 12, 2008 20:41:59 GMT -6
;D Some people are nuts! Thanks brother Drew, I needed a laugh tonight. I have been so sad today, they found the body of the little girl thats been missing, Caylee Anthony. I am glad she was found, but so sad for her family. The world can be a wicked place to live, but Jesus is coming soon, and how wonderful its going to be!! Its so good to see ya! God bless you ((((((((((Sis))))))))))); It is so good to see you!!!! I know how sad and it breaks the heart of us all. I posted on this in the news section. I have wee-little grandbabies this child's age, and my old flesh just wants to go after the evil that would do this harm and treat them with such vengeance. Praise God that the wee-ones when they depart are safe in the arms of Jesus!!
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Post by Caretaker on Dec 18, 2008 6:58:24 GMT -6
As the deer panteth for the water, So my soul longs after you. You alone are my hearts desire, And I long to worship You.
Chorus You alone are my strength, my shield; To You alone may my spirit yield. You alone are my hearts desire, and I long to worship You.
I want you more than gold or silver, Only You can satisfy. You alone are the real joy giver And the apple of my eye.
Chorus You alone are my strength, my shield; To You alone may my spirit yield. You alone are my hearts desire, and I long to worship You.
You're my friend and You're my brother, Even though you are a King. I love You more than any other So much more than anything.
Chorus You alone are my strength, my shield; To You alone may my spirit yield. You alone are my hearts desire, and I long to worship You.
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Post by Caretaker on Dec 26, 2008 8:39:33 GMT -6
Thought I would share this testimony. We never had a whole lot, growing-up, but I can remember taking a big old box of food to a family at Christmas. This touched my heart, and may it bless yours:
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Pa never had much compassion for the lazy or those who squandered their means and then never had enough for the necessities.. But for those who were genuinely in need, his heart was as big as all outdoors. It was from him that I learned the greatest joy in life comes from giving, not from receiving.
It was Christmas Eve 1881. I was fifteen years old and feeling like the world had caved in on me because there just hadn't been enough money to buy me the rifle that I'd wanted for Christmas. We did the chores early that night for some reason. I just figured Pa wanted a little extra time so we could read in the Bible.
After supper was over I took my boots off and stretched out in front of the fireplace and waited for Pa to get down the old Bible. I was still feeling sorry for myself and, to be honest, I wasn't in much of a mood to read Scriptures. But Pa didn't get the Bible, instead he bundled up again and went outside. I couldn't figure it out because we had already done all the chores... I didn't worry about it long though, I was too busy wallowing in self-pity. Soon Pa came back in. It was a cold clear night out and there was ice in his beard. "Come on, Matt," he said. "Bundle up good, it's cold out tonight." I was really upset then. Not only wasn't I getting the rifle for Christmas, now Pa was dragging me out in the cold, and for no earthly reason that I could see. We'd already done all the chores, and I couldn't think of anything else that needed doing, especially not on a night like this. But I knew Pa was not very patient at one dragging one's feet when he'd told them to do something, so I got up and put my boots back on and got my cap, coat, and mittens.. Ma gave me a mysterious smile as I opened the door to leave the house. Something was up, but I didn't know what.
Outside, I became even more dismayed. There in front of the house was the work team, already hitched to the big sled. Whatever it was we were going to do wasn't going to be a short, quick, little job. I could tell. We never hitched up this sled unless we were going to haul a big load. Pa was already up on the seat, reins in hand. I reluctantly climbed up beside him. The cold was already biting at me. I wasn't happy. When I was on, Pa pulled the sled around the house and stopped in front of the woodshed. He got off and I followed. "I think we'll put on the high sideboards," he said. "Here, help me." The high sideboards! It had been a bigger job than I wanted to do with just the low sideboards on, but whatever it was we were going to do would be a lot bigger with the high sideboards on.
After we had exchanged the sideboards, Pa went into the woodshed and came out with an armload of wood - the wood I'd spent all summer hauling down from the mountain, and then all Fall sawing into blocks and splitting. What was he doing? Finally I said something. "Pa," I asked, "what are you doing? “You been by the Widow Jensen's lately?" he asked. The Widow Jensen lived about two miles down the road. Her husband had died a year or so before and left her with three children, the oldest being eight. Sure, I'd been by, but so what?
Yeah," I said, "Why?"
"I rode by just today," Pa said. "Little Jakey was out digging around in the woodpile trying to find a few chips. They're out of wood, Matt." That was all he said and then he turned and went back into the woodshed for another armload of wood. I followed him. We loaded the sled so high that I began to wonder if the horses would be able to pull it. Finally, Pa called a halt to our loading, then we went to the smoke house and Pa took down a big ham and a side of bacon. He handed them to me and told me to put them in the sled and wait. When he returned he was carrying a sack of flour over his right shoulder and a smaller sack of something in his left hand. "What's in the little sack?" I asked. “Shoes, they're out of shoes. Little Jakey just had gunny sacks wrapped around his feet when he was out in the woodpile this morning. I got the children a little candy too. It just wouldn't be Christmas without a little candy."
We rode the two miles to Widow Jensen's pretty much in silence. I tried to think through what Pa was doing. We didn't have much by worldly standards. Of course, we did have a big woodpile, though most of what was left now was still in the form of logs that I would have to saw into blocks and split before we could use it. We also had meat and flour, so we could spare that, but I knew we didn't have any money, so why was Pa buying them shoes and candy? Really, why was he doing any of this? Widow Jensen had closer neighbors than us; it shouldn't have been our concern.
We came in from the blind side of the Jensen house and unloaded the wood as quietly as possible, then we took the meat and flour and shoes to the door. We knocked. The door opened a crack and a timid voice said, "Who is it?" "Lucas Miles, Ma'am, and my son, Matt, could we come in for a bit?"
Widow Jensen opened the door and let us in. She had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. The children were wrapped in another and were sitting in front of the fireplace by a very small fire that hardly gave off any heat at all. Widow Jensen fumbled with a match and finally lit the lamp.
"We brought you a few things, Ma'am," Pa said and set down the sack of flour. I put the meat on the table. Then Pa handed her the sack that had the shoes in it. She opened it hesitantly and took the shoes out one pair at a time. There was a pair for her and one for each of the children - sturdy shoes, the best, shoes that would last. I watched her carefully. She bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling and then tears filled her eyes and started running down her cheeks. She looked up at Pa like she wanted to say something, but it wouldn't come out.
"We brought a load of wood too, Ma'am," Pa said. He turned to me and said, "Matt, go bring in enough to last awhile. Let's get that fire up to size and heat this place up." I wasn't the same person when I went back out to bring in the wood. I had a big lump in my throat and as much as I hate to admit it, there were tears in my eyes too. In my mind I kept seeing those three kids huddled around the fireplace and their mother standing there with tears running down her cheeks with so much gratitude in her heart that she couldn't speak.
My heart swelled within me and a joy that I'd never known before, filled my soul. I had given at Christmas many times before, but never when it had made so much difference. I could see we were literally saving the lives of these people.
I soon had the fire blazing and everyone's spirits soared. The kids started giggling when Pa handed them each a piece of candy and Widow Jensen looked on with a smile that probably hadn't crossed her face for a long time. She finally turned to us. "God bless you," she said. "I know the Lord has sent you. The children and I have been praying that he would send one of his angels to spare us."
In spite of myself, the lump returned to my throat and the tears welled up in my eyes again. I'd never thought of Pa in those exact terms before, but after Widow Jensen mentioned it I could see that it was probably true. I was sure that a better man than Pa had never walked the earth. I started remembering all the times he had gone out of his way for Ma and me, and many others. The list seemed endless as I thought on it.
Pa insisted that everyone try on the shoes before we left. I was amazed when they all fit and I wondered how he had known what sizes to get. Then I guessed that if he was on an errand for the Lord that the Lord would make sure he got the right sizes.
Tears were running down Widow Jensen's face again when we stood up to leave. Pa took each of the kids in his big arms and gave them a hug. They clung to him and didn't want us to go. I could see that they missed their Pa, and I was glad that I still had mine.
At the door Pa turned to Widow Jensen and said, "The Mrs. wanted me to invite you and the children over for Christmas dinner tomorrow. The turkey will be more than the three of us can eat, and a man can get cantankerous if he has to eat turkey for too many meals. We'll be by to get you about eleven... It'll be nice to have some little ones around again. Matt, here, hasn't been little for quite a spell." I was the youngest. My two brothers and two sisters had all married and had moved away.
Widow Jensen nodded and said, "Thank you, Brother Miles. I don't have to say, May the Lord bless you, I know for certain that He will."
Out on the sled I felt a warmth that came from deep within and I didn't even notice the cold... When we had gone a ways, Pa turned to me and said, "Matt, I want you to know something. Your ma and me have been tucking a little money away here and there all year so we could buy that rifle for you, but we didn't have quite enough. Then yesterday a man who owed me a little money from years back came by to make things square. Your ma and me were real excited, thinking that now we could get you that rifle, and I started into town this morning to do just that, but on the way I saw little Jakey out scratching in the woodpile with his feet wrapped in those gunny sacks and I knew what I had to do. Son, I spent the money for shoes and a little candy for those children. I hope you understand."
I understood, and my eyes became wet with tears again. I understood very well, and I was so glad Pa had done it. Now the rifle seemed very low on my list of priorities. Pa had given me a lot more. He had given me the look on Widow Jensen's face and the radiant smiles of her three children.
For the rest of my life, whenever I saw any of the Jensens, or split a block of wood, I remembered, and remembering brought back that same joy I felt riding home beside Pa that night. Pa had given me much more than a rifle that night, he had given me the best Christmas of my life.
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Post by veterinarian on Dec 29, 2008 16:23:50 GMT -6
Beautiful. Thank you, Brother.
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