|
Grief
Jan 10, 2012 8:46:51 GMT -6
Post by Caretaker on Jan 10, 2012 8:46:51 GMT -6
As one gets older the frequency of the death of loved ones becomes more frequent. Faith and the blessed assurance of our final destination is a tremendous comfort to the household of faith. It is one of the most difficult and heart-wrenching aspects of ministry to to find words of comfort and peace for the bereaved, and one of the most rewarding when the Lord provides the needed words or turn of phrase which can bring comfort to wounded hearts. No spoken word nor written thought can bring the comfort of a caring hand on shoulder, an open heart and arms in hour of loss and despair.
Even with a deep faith the point of death, the final black valley of separation, suddenly is upon you and you are then forever separated on this earth from your loved one. As the last breath is drawn, and the dear one lapses into immobility the black chasm of emptiness and loss suddenly engulfs you as you realize they have gone on alone, and you are left. Regardless of faith and how prepared one thinks they are, the point of death and separation still comes so suddenly, and with such finality. One must step forward and pass through this valley, and a large part of this passage is the grieving process.
In the death of a loved one, what are the different stages of grief, and are they different besides being more intense and protracted, for the death of a spouse?
With the increase in cremation instead of embalming and a quick internment the urn of ashes can be kept for many days, weeks, even years with the survivor. They even make jewelry/containers which are designed to hold part of the ashes. The loved one can be divided-up and distributed among surviving family/friends.
The memorial service and internment, "the grave", has traditionally been the final goodbye and the final point of separation.
Is the grieving process inhibited/extended when the ashes remain with the survivor?
Is the sharp pain and anguish of a spouse extended far beyond the normal time frame, when the ashes of the dead remain in the home or worn around the neck in a locket?
We are the living memorial of those who have gone on, the legacy of their lives and hearts lives on in those who they loved and whose lives they touched. A solitary life is like a single candle burning alone in the sanctuary. As one touches the hearts and lives of those around, the solitary candle lights other candles and as the light flows from one to another the once dark sanctuary is soon brilliantly lit, from one solitary candle. The precious departed has left a brightly lit sanctuary in the hearts of their family and friends. Our hearts their memorial.
Every precious soul has a sunrise to experience, a day to be savored, and a dusk to reflect upon. May we take the time to allow our hearts to savor a moment for it is unique in all the earth, is fleeting at best, and the pathway goes on and it is left behind. When one shares the attribute of love, with others, the legacy which is passed-on is rich and everlasting in the hearts of those we touch. May the pathway we walk enable us to bestow a bountiful harvest of spiritual fruit in the hearts and lives of those around.
|
|
Murph
Moderator
Be kind to your web footed friends. Amen?
Posts: 69,180
|
Grief
Jan 10, 2012 8:58:14 GMT -6
Post by Murph on Jan 10, 2012 8:58:14 GMT -6
It is alright to mourn...
Here is what the Bible says of Abraham. I always think of this passage when I think of mourning for people we love who have died.
"And Sarah died in Kirjatharba; the same is Hebron in the land of Canaan: and Abraham came to mourn for Sarah, and to weep for her. " Genesis 23:2
The process of mourning is a healing thing for us...
Abraham purchased the cave of Machpelah and buried his beloved wife. Then he moved on.
I hope you don't mind Drew, that I moved this topic to the Bible forum.
Grief is sometimes a very hard thing with which to deal...and not a topic we like to discuss because it is painful to us and everyone has lost someone who is very near and dear and had to grieve that loss in one way or another.
|
|
|
Grief
Jan 10, 2012 9:17:41 GMT -6
Post by Caretaker on Jan 10, 2012 9:17:41 GMT -6
It is alright to mourn... Here is what the Bible says of Abraham. I always think of this passage when I think of mourning for people we love who have died. "And Sarah died in Kirjatharba; the same is Hebron in the land of Canaan: and Abraham came to mourn for Sarah, and to weep for her. " Genesis 23:2The process of mourning is a healing thing for us... Abraham purchased the cave of Machpelah and buried his beloved wife. Then he moved on. I hope you don't mind Drew, that I moved this topic to the Bible forum. Grief is sometimes a very hard thing with which to deal...and not a topic we like to discuss because it is painful to us and everyone has lost someone who is very near and dear and had to grieve that loss in one way or another. Thank you Sis for moving the topic and amen!! As we go through life and need to minister to others we need to understand that death is a part of life, and be able to let our Lord minister and heal. The death of a child has to be as tragic and traumatic as the death of ones spouse, and many marriages do not survive. All insight, wisdom, illumination would be deeply appreciated.
|
|
Murph
Moderator
Be kind to your web footed friends. Amen?
Posts: 69,180
|
Grief
Jan 10, 2012 9:23:00 GMT -6
Post by Murph on Jan 10, 2012 9:23:00 GMT -6
See what I mean? I didn't want to mention the death of a child or grandchild...too painful to even think about.
|
|
|
Grief
Jan 10, 2012 9:44:32 GMT -6
Post by Caretaker on Jan 10, 2012 9:44:32 GMT -6
See what I mean? I didn't want to mention the death of a child or grandchild...too painful to even think about. Absolutely, but we have to face the reality that this is going to happen to those we know, and we need to be prepared and able to minister with our hearts and arms open to those in such pain and anguish. We can be so thankful that the Lord provides healing for our pain, comfort in our hour of greatest need, and His peace which passes all human understanding for our hearts.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Grief
Jan 10, 2012 10:03:13 GMT -6
Post by Deleted on Jan 10, 2012 10:03:13 GMT -6
For the lost, death is nothing of the "better place" that misinformed preachers like to intone at their funerals . . . but it is a beginning of great sorrows.
For the child of God, death is a new beginning; a second childhood, if you will, that never will end in the joyful presence of those gone on before and the One that made it all possible.
It is our human nature that allows us to mourn, and yet, we do not do so as those that know not the Saviour. At the same time, our spiritual new nature rejoices that our loved one is free from the gravity of sin and the flesh and now in a fantastically great and beloved place.
|
|
Murph
Moderator
Be kind to your web footed friends. Amen?
Posts: 69,180
|
Grief
Jan 10, 2012 10:32:09 GMT -6
Post by Murph on Jan 10, 2012 10:32:09 GMT -6
heard a friend say that this life is the best the unsaved will ever know and the worst the saved will ever know.
Sat now with two friends whose sons committed suicide. Hardest question I have had to answer is when both of them asked me..."will I ever see my son again?"
How would ya'll answer a question like that knowing their sons were probably not saved?
|
|
ldysly
Advanced Member
Lord make me thy servant.
Posts: 1,732
|
Grief
Jan 10, 2012 11:41:41 GMT -6
Post by ldysly on Jan 10, 2012 11:41:41 GMT -6
heard a friend say that this life is the best the unsaved will ever know and the worst the saved will ever know. Sat now with two friends whose sons committed suicide. Hardest question I have had to answer is when both of them asked me..."will I ever see my son again?" How would ya'll answer a question like that knowing their sons were probably not saved? I think the only true answer you can give them is that only God knows the answer to that question. If thier sons were saved then yes they will see them again but if not then no they won't. But once they are in heaven they also won't remember those who were unsaved. That has been one of the hardest concepts for me to get my mind around. I don't know that this would even give them comfort. People want to think that because we are so heartbroken over a death that God will forgive because that's what God does. They don't want to accept that we have to ask for that forgiveness BEFORE we die. I live in terror that something will happen to one of my kids before they find God. Don't know how I would handle that and pray everyday that I don't have to find out.
|
|
|
Grief
Jan 10, 2012 13:06:06 GMT -6
Post by Keith on Jan 10, 2012 13:06:06 GMT -6
If thier sons were saved then yes they will see them again... Amen!
|
|
Murph
Moderator
Be kind to your web footed friends. Amen?
Posts: 69,180
|
Grief
Jan 10, 2012 13:46:02 GMT -6
Post by Murph on Jan 10, 2012 13:46:02 GMT -6
I was pretty sure they weren't...
that was my problem...
told them the truth...that I didn't know how to answer their question.
I didn't want to add to their grief.
|
|
|
Grief
Jan 10, 2012 14:28:25 GMT -6
Post by Caretaker on Jan 10, 2012 14:28:25 GMT -6
I was pretty sure they weren't... that was my problem... told them the truth...that I didn't know how to answer their question. I didn't want to add to their grief. What I would say is that I praise God for the witness, testimony and prayers of their loved ones. We do not know their hearts at the time of their death, so we place them in the loving hands of God. I then emphasize that the Believer has the blessed assurance of our Home in Glory, and so we each need to make sure that our heart is right with Christ.
|
|
ldysly
Advanced Member
Lord make me thy servant.
Posts: 1,732
|
Grief
Jan 10, 2012 14:56:42 GMT -6
Post by ldysly on Jan 10, 2012 14:56:42 GMT -6
Excellent answer Drew. I'll be using that one if I have the need to.
|
|
|
Grief
Jan 11, 2012 3:58:48 GMT -6
Post by Caretaker on Jan 11, 2012 3:58:48 GMT -6
It is the reality that those who reject Christ and die in their rejection are forever separated from God, through their own rebellion. The lost are in Hell and after being resurrected and standing before the Great White Throne Judgment, will be cast into the Lake of Fire.
In the dozen or so funerals I have preached I don't pile on judgment and condemnation onto the one who has died apart from Christ. The loved ones who are so wounded and hurting do not need further wounding. I honor the lives of the deceased by speaking to their attributes, by speaking of the love which they have given to their families and friends, etc. In closing if their salvation was uncertain, then I verbally lay them in the hands of God and I preach Jesus as the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and as the only way to Heaven, to the living who can yet make the choice for Christ, and whose fate is not sealed by death. I always close with my "Hall of Faith", with the focus upon our Lord Jesus Christ.
If I had my druthers I would never have to speak at another funeral, or perform another marriage ceremony. I would much rather sit in the back and listen to the pastors perform their calling. But time and again those in need have called and I do what needs doing to minister as God directs. Every time I bring the message to me it has been woefully inadequate and I question why am I up there and what am I doing. Every time the message has ministered as needed, and those who have been present call me again if needed.
|
|
Murph
Moderator
Be kind to your web footed friends. Amen?
Posts: 69,180
|
Grief
Jan 11, 2012 8:23:20 GMT -6
Post by Murph on Jan 11, 2012 8:23:20 GMT -6
It seems to me Drew, that you always know what to say...when to say it, and to whom.
I admire on that and respect it immensly. Probably what other see and is why you get tapped over and over again.
It, to me, appears to be a Spirit given gift.
|
|
bcool
Junior Member
Posts: 105
|
Grief
Jan 11, 2012 8:29:27 GMT -6
Post by bcool on Jan 11, 2012 8:29:27 GMT -6
"Every precious soul has a sunrise to experience, a day to be savored, and a dusk to reflect upon. May we take the time to allow our hearts to savor a moment for it is unique in all the earth, is fleeting at best, and the pathway goes on and it is left behind. When one shares the attribute of love, with others, the legacy which is passed-on is rich and everlasting in the hearts of those we touch. May the pathway we walk enable us to bestow a bountiful harvest of spiritual fruit in the hearts and lives of those around."
This gets to the heart of the Christian way of life...put into words I can feel and understand. Thank you! -Brad
|
|
Murph
Moderator
Be kind to your web footed friends. Amen?
Posts: 69,180
|
Grief
Jan 11, 2012 8:33:29 GMT -6
Post by Murph on Jan 11, 2012 8:33:29 GMT -6
Trying to help people who are dealing with grief over someone who has committed suicide is difficult. There is grief coupled with anger. It has taken one friend years to deal with that and even today, 4 years later she is not able to say her son's name easily.
The grief of my other friend is still raw but both he and his wife are leaning heavily on their faith in the Lord, love for each other, and church, and friends.
Both of their sons were heavy drug users. Both hung themselves...
Worked with both of these wonderful people for many years and they were able to help so many children. That was the lament of both...we helped other children but couldn't help our own.
|
|