For Steve, Keith and Other 'puter Pros

[Murph]

Why Computers Sometimes Crash by Dr. Suess



If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port

And the bus is interrupted at a very last resort

And the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort

Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.



If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash

And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash

And your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash

Then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!



If the label on the cable on the table at your house

Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse

But your packets want to tunnel to another protocol

That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.



And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss

So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse

Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang

'Cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.



When the copy on your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk

And the macro code instruction's causing unnecessary risk

Then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM

And then quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!






Well, that certainly clears things up for me. How about you?

;D

[Keith]

I can boil all that down to four words: Computers run on smoke.

Don't believe me? Open one up, cut one of the little wires and smoke will come out.

The computer won't run anymore, thus, they run on smoke!

[heavenbound]

I only know if the on button failed I'd be in a fix,
Cause I married a rednek and we're just country hicks!

Tank nothing tecnical bout these machines,
Just press the on button and golly, there's stuff on the screen!



YSIC, Diana

[Dave]

How To Build A web Page In 25 Steps

1. Download a piece of Web authoring software - 20 minutes.

2. Think about what you want to write on your Web page - 6 weeks.

3. Download the same piece of Web authoring software, because they have released 3 new versions since the first time you downloaded it - 20 minutes.

4. Decide to just steal some images and awards to put on your site - 1 minute.

5. Visit sites to find images and awards, find 5 of them that you like - 4 days.

6. Run setup of your Web authoring software. After it fails, download it again - 25 minutes.

7. Run setup again, boot the software, click all toolbar buttons to see what they do - 15 minutes.

8. View the source of others' pages, steal some, change a few words here and there - 4 hours.

9. Preview your Web page using the Web Authoring software - 1 minute.

10. Try to horizontally line up two related images - 6 hours.

11. Remove one of the images - 10 seconds.

12. Set the text's font color to the same color as your background, wonder why all your text is gone - 4 hours.

13. Download a counter from your ISP - 4 minutes.

14. Try to figure out why your counter reads "You are visitor number -16.3 E10" - 3 hours.

15. Put 4 blank lines between two lines of text - 8 hours.

16. Fine-tune the text, then prepare to load your Web page on your ISP - 40 minutes.

17. Accidentally delete your complete web page - 1 second.

18. Recreate your web page - 2 days.

19. Try to figure out how to load your Web page onto your ISP's server - 3 weeks.

20. Call a patient friend to find out about FTP - 30 minutes.

21. Download FTP software - 10 minutes.

22. Call your friend again - 15 minutes.

23. Upload your web page to your ISP's server - 10 minutes.

24. Connect to your site on the web - 1 minute.

25. Repeat any and all of the previous steps - eternity.

;D

[Murph]

Ain't dat da truf... ;D

[Keith]

Been there, done that, got the T-shirt!

;D ;D ;D

[Dave]

LOL: Someone ask me when I was going to finish upgrading my website, I replied when they throw dirt in my face. Building a website is definitely an on going process.
God Bless
Dave